November

So it is November and it appears that everyone is excited except for me. It is strange, because now that November is actually here the excitement and anxiety has worn off. We are also going through a really hard time and I think that may be taking away from the anxiousness.

I was expecting November 1 to come and to be on edge everyday. Some days I almost hope that it doesn't happen because I want to enjoy it and I'm not sure I will. I think that I will feel completely differently when it actually happens, but I have been waiting for too long at this point.

There is only so much planning and wishing and hoping that I can do before the excitement is gone and I'm left just waiting. I guess I still have a little excitement because every time he goes anywhere or says anything I try to read in to it. I try and guess what he is doing and what he could really be doing.

I just hope that at this point I am not disappointed and let down because I have been waiting for so long.